The Beginning

I begin this blog by thanking Lisa Genova, the author of Still Alice, a wonderful and fearless novel about early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. I have read it and recommend it to anyone with an interest in dementia ... sufferer or caregiver. She has inspired me to write on this topic from my perspective, watching myself in a similar way that Alice does in Lisa’s book.

First, the why. My mother Norma was diagnosed with dementia in her 70’s and died in her 80’s, near the end still recognizing her children with a quick and cherished smile but unable to communicate much in other ways. Her smile was always her gift, an expression of her love for God and for people, and a precursor to vibrant Spanish conversation. I smile too, but more than that I write. And I have a certain fear that I too will face her journey. It’s there in the back of my mind … and so I think, why not write about that fear and whatever journey I will take.

Another, the why. I see myself forgetting things a bit more than I’m used to. I will get up from my desk to do something and be easily distracted to do something else, sit back down and realize I did not do what I first intended. It makes me wonder if those are the clues that hide themselves behind our perception of normal aging, the early clues that we can too easily deny. It seems it happens more often, taking different forms … forgetting to turn off the fan in the living room, forgetting to charge my phone every day, focusing more on my daily to do list, leaving a light on. Little things that may be signs. Or not.

Then too, there was a week earlier this year (our 33^rd anniversary on August 5, 2010). My wife asked me to hold the gift card for dinner and so I put it in my wallet. When we got the bill, she told me I had the card. And I asked if she wanted me to pay the bill with my Visa … I was honestly surprised, because we have been trying not to use our credit cards. And I did not remember that she had given me the card just 2 hours earlier. Concerning to me, though we laughed it off. And it made me think, how much does my wife sense of my concern and fear? In the small world category, she tells me her book club has decided to read Still Alice next … interesting.

I am 58 this year and I imagine I have 20 or 30 or more years left to me, if all goes well and I survive whatever health crises come my way. But while the years may be there, in fact I may not be, in the same way I hope for. Only time will tell. This is my story of whatever journey I will take, held in this blog as a record for the future.